I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
