WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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