I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Randomize
