So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
