I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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