Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
