I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Randomize
