Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
