we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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