i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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