Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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