You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
