I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
