she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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