pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
