About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
