Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
