He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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