SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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