did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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