what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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