The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
