Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
