this just has baby written all over it
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
