I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Duck Duck Cougar?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
