what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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