So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
