I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
we made out on top of his cat.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
