I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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