There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
My vagina is officially offended.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
