I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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