A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
she peed on how many people?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
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