She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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