im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
