watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I came so hard my ears popped.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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