i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
