i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
