Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
