Your mouth is God's brothel.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
