At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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