She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
