Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
