i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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