Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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