I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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