Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
