Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(416): View more from Ontario

i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia

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(514): View more from Quebec

i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."

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(704): View more from North Carolina

I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.

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(732): View more from New Jersey

She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.

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(928): View more from Arizona

I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.

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(315): View more from New York

There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy

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(856): View more from New Jersey

Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning

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(214): View more from Texas

I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.

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