dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
