Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
