i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
