if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
